Introducing the all new, limited-edition, “Fuck” — now available for pre-order!

A better, highly contagious, viral expletive you’ll swear is brand new and improved with special emphasis, durability, broad acceptance, and longevity.

You’re fed up, upset, frustrated, and can’t take it anymore. You’re tired of the same old crap; the same bullshit, same old story, and you’ve heard it all before. Fuck!

It’s officially acceptable to cuss in casual conversation now. It’s a profoundly artful way to reduce stress. Try it at home.

Cussing, using profanity, saying bad words, and name-calling after 2020 is no longer faux pas. Saying “Fuck” today isn’t a slip or blunder in etiquette. It’s not bad manners, or poor conduct either.

I know you’ve heard it… “It is what it is”, “just deal with it”, “whatever”, “don’t let it bother you”. Or the worst one, “stay positive”. Seriously, fuck off with that. People who think we’re supposed to avoid talking about realities that are negative are fucking assholes. They can fuck off.

It’s safe to say your teeth are floating in piss and vinegar and you have been holding back. It may have taken hours, weeks, months — or even years —for you to reach this point. But here you are in a fucking state of fucketty fuck. Welcome to the fuck this and fuck that club.

A common term you think of often is WTF?! And if you’re not wondering ‘what the fuck’ after 2020, what the fuck is wrong with you? Republican much? Seriously, get your head the fuck out of your ass. It’s 2021, and there’s no excuse for being a dick (nor being a republican).

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The History of Fuck

Nah, we’re not going to rehash the old Fuck because this entire article is about the new Fuck. So if you want to learn about the old Fuck, Google the Fuck out of it.

What’s new about Fuck?

Well fuck, everything. In the past, people would hoard fucks and keep them to themselves exclaiming, “I give no fucks”. It’s 2021, it’s time to give a fuck!

The new Fuck is classy. It’s powerful and acceptable. It’s not religious or non-religious. It’s unbiased, non-partisan, and an equal opportunity Fuck.

It’s not sexual unless you qualify it as such. It’s not ugly, unless you make it. It’s not racist, rude, awkward, offensive, or nasty unless you use it that way.

It’s not required and you don’t need batteries to operate it in the dark. On it’s own it isn’t good or bad, right or wrong, profane or polite, indecent or decent. It is not disrespectful or an insult unless you direct it specifically as such.

Some fuckers might disagree, but fuck them!

It is a gift that you can give or receive. It is an expression, an exaltation, an exclamation. It’s a breath of fresh air and a welcome exhale. It’s a release you deserve to experience often. And you don’t need fucking permission to use it.

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Common examples:

Noun
For fuck’s sake, that fucker is a stupid fuck.

Verb
Fuck you, you really fucked up while fucking doing nothing.

Adjective
He’s a fucking dick. He’s the most fucked up person I’ve ever met.

Interjection
Am I fucking amazing or what?

Infix
Abso-fucking-lutely!
A-fucking-mazing!

Preposition (sortof)
Fuck if I know.

Interrogative
How the fuck would I know who the fuck did that?

Intensifier
A fuck load of good that does.

Adverb
I’m fucking done with this fucking stupid shit.

[above usage examples came from some fucking anonymous source]

Please add your favorite use of the word in the comments.

Who gives a Fuck?

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Well, you do and I do, so perhaps we all should give a fuck?

The new Fuck suggests that the horse you rode in on is not at fault. It’s either you or them, not the horse.

The new “Fuck off” is not merely “fuck off” but a strong, “fuck literally off you tweedle-fucken-dumbshit-dimrod-fuckety-fuckin arsehole!” In other words, it’s got more emphasis.

The new Fuck is more meaningful after 2020. It’s potent. It’s bold. It’s the 6-billion-dollar Fuck that’s more elegant and refined. It’s versatile, flexible, streamlined, and optional. Great taste, less filling!

The new Fuck is the strongest sense of the word ever.

People don’t like cussing (or do they)

Well, most people cuss. Period. So there’s a reason we all cuss now and then. Oh, you don’t? Really. Fuck you! We know you have cussed at some point. Get over your fucking self. If someone says they don’t like cussing, they mean they just want to tell you what to do. Secretly, they love saying Fuck just like you do.

Many online social channels and platforms don’t allow you to use cuss words. Facebook, for example prohibits using cuss words to describe people or name-calling. Even common words like “stupid” can get your account blocked temporarily or permanently for repeated ‘offenses’. So you can say “fuck” just about anywhere except you suffer the consequences everywhere.

It’s fucked up. But apparently, you might be able to get away with writing it like this, “F*ck Y@u”. But don’t take my word for it.

The all new, limited-edition “Fuck” — now available for pre-order.

Be generous with your fucks. Act fast and use your fresh supply of new fucks! Here’s a free fuck for you to copy-n-paste; Fuck.

You can also just use your middle finger as a silent expression of your opinion. Or use the new Fuck emoji: 🖕 ← copy paste as needed.

Enjoy your brand new Fuck.

Writer, traveler, self-employed web developer, beer aficionado, Pastafarian, Progressive, location-independent